


Until our hearts catch fire

by ElenyasBlood



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Dirty Talk, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nerdiness, Phone Sex, Pining, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:48:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenyasBlood/pseuds/ElenyasBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has never been so nervous as he had on his first day of college, and the fact that he’s everything but the cool, outgoing type isn’t helping either. Good thing Jensen—his new roommate—is not only god’s gift to men when it comes to his devilishly handsome looks, but also the best friend Jared could hope for, and just what Jared needed to turn his college life into a blissful adventure. When after months of living together and a relationship gone wrong, things between them start to change, Jared isn’t going to complain, because in the end, with Jensen, things could only get better and better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [riyku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riyku/gifts).



Jensen had been nothing like Jared imagined.

On his first day of college, Jared had been an anxious mess, a bundle of fidgeting limbs that was wheeling his luggage behind and up the stairs to his dorm. For days he had been worrying about the place, his classes and his new roommate. What if he would have been stuck with a complete jerk? A chain-smoker? Someone who liked to pick their toenails at the breakfast table, or worse: someone who liked to pick on their roommates? Jared wasn’t easily frightened and certainly wasn’t someone to jump to half-cocked conclusions, but the prospect of sharing a place with someone to whom words like privacy and boundaries didn’t hold any meaning was more than a little bit scary. Maybe that’s why Jared’s throat was parched when he fumbled the dorm keys out of his pockets, his cheeks heating up unpleasantly.

It had always been that way. Jared didn’t consider himself a very confident person, always one step closer to an anxiety attack than the average teenager. He was nervous and shier than most, and found large crowds scary. He had lived a secluded life in front of his computer, spending his days playing video games and hosting podcasts with people from all over the world. He wasn’t good at sports, too quiet for debate club and had to drop out of drama class because of stage-fright during his first year of high school. He liked comic books and over-the-top action movies, 8-bit music, and tabletop games. He had always felt safer when hiding behind a computer screen, and up until this point it had been fine. Jared didn’t exactly dread his quiet, secluded life; quite the contrary. Over the years, he had made himself a name on the internet and was a warmly welcomed guest in a wide variety of roleplay shows and podcasts, and ran a rather successful gaming channel. People watched his streams and asked him his opinions on the latest game releases and liked to chat with him about boardgame news. Companies invited him to beta-test pre-releases, which was quite a big deal even in his circles. He had a tabletop club he visited once a week, liked pen and paper and had won multiple _Magic: The Gathering_ tournaments throughout the years. He was good at what he did—fucking great even—and he liked it. Sadly, hardly anyone outside of his family and the internet seemed to understand, and all his life Jared had been the weird kid, the nerd, the geeky loser with the girly hair and gangly limbs.

So when he pushed the door of his new dorm room open with clammy palms, Jared was anything but thrilled, and a small, nagging voice inside his head told him to go back where he came from.

Luckily, Jensen had been nothing like Jared feared he would be. He had been sitting on a cardboard box in the middle of what would later be their small living room, chewing on his thumbnail and studying his schedule. He had brown hair sticking up from his head and his eyes looked like that kind of soft, smooth glass you can find at the beach if you’re lucky.

“Are you my new roommate?” he had asked and hopped off his seat, extending one hand to the newcomer. His palm had been a little less sticky than Jared’s and when Jared shook it he had come close enough to count up to twelve freckles on the bridge of his new roommate’s nose.

“Yeah, that would be me,” Jared had replied, voice a little shaky, and Jensen had given him a bright smile.

“I’m Jensen. So glad to finally meet you,” he had said with his Texas accent, and Jared had replied with a smile of his own, a little less confident, but it would have to do. For now. Apparently it did the trick because only a few hours later they were already sitting in the kitchen together over of pot of Mac and Cheese, chatting idly and listening to music from Jensen’s iPod.

It turned out that living with Jensen was the best thing that could ever had happened to a guy like Jared. Jensen was everything Jared didn’t consider himself to be. He was fun to be around, more than just a little bit adventurous and incredibly smart. He majored in sports medicine and worked late night shifts at a small gas station on the other side of town, which didn’t keep him from attending his early morning classes or even going to swim training before dawn. Jensen was loud and broad and sure in everything he did and Jared kinda liked it. There was a strange kind of comfort in entering the kitchen at half past midnight only to find Jensen cooking pasta or repairing the drawers of the cupboards. Jensen liked rock music, ice cream sandwiches and classic horror movies, preferably in that order. Or all at once. He wasn’t overly obsessed with his body or fitness like most sports medicine students were and prefered getting drunk over a good, hard workout. He was full of quirky ideas and plans for the future and despite being generally lazy, he liked to read and visited the library often. He didn’t like spinach and pop music, despised anything vanilla-scented, and liked to wear at least three layers of clothes at any time of the day.

Jensen was drop-dead gorgeous, with his tan skin and freckled cheeks. He had a broad chest and thick, meaty thighs and his smile could light up an entire room. His lips were full, his hair soft and his stride always so sure, oozing confidence. After only one month he was known throughout the entire campus as quite the heartthrob. And yet, he was neither vain nor smug about his looks. He rarely even cared whether he was wearing the appropriate amount of clothes, much less if the colors matched.

Jensen was like the best friend Jared had wished for his entire life, but that wasn’t the reason why Jared liked living with him so much. It wasn’t his devilishly good looks either, or his quick wits, not even Jensen’s infamous cream cheese and ham sandwiches. It was the way Jensen liked to sit on the floor by the window to read his books, and how he forgot his keys on a weekly basis, how he fought with his PC whenever a paper was due, how he yelled at the toaster for burning his bread again. Jared liked Jensen for how soft and cozy he looked in the early mornings and for the way he wasn’t a functioning human being before his first cup of coffee in the morning. Witnessing Jensen—who looked every inch the perfect honor student, high school quarterback he had probably been not long ago—struggling with his laundry made Jared feel a little bit less like a freak. And a little more at home.

Jensen had been nothing like Jared imagined. He was infinitely better. He was perfect. Almost.

 ♦ 

During their first three months or so, Jared and Jensen got to know each other. It was almost like a dance, the back and forth between them, the constant pushing and pulling to a distant harmony until they found the right rhythm. Classes were easy and time passed slowly on the weekends. There were a lot of parties to be held in the dorms, and while Jared skipped the noisy occurrences whenever possible, Jensen was rarely too tired to grab a drink somewhere or to crash a party. He had made a ton of friends over the first several weeks, and was out and about almost every weekend, coming home content and tipsy and cooking pancakes or scrambled eggs for Jared before he went to bed in the early mornings.

Jared kept his quiet routine in front of his computer, though he did have to cut down on content on his channel and retire from his gaming podcast to temporarily make room for a younger, fresher face. With more time at his hands, Jared had to busy himself elsewhere, and he often found himself walking the university grounds or hanging in front of the TV in their living room, flipping through the channels in search of a new show to watch.

They had bought a small but cozy sofa on a yard sale on a weekend in April. Jensen had dragged Jared out into the crisp spring air and together they’d purchased a frayed rug, an armchair that smelled a little bit like mothballs, and the couch, complete with patchwork throw pillows and a huge, suspicious-looking stain in the front. It had been a hell of a hassle to bring it all upstairs, but once they had managed to squeeze everything through the front door and get it arranged inside the living room, the dorm really came together. With Jensen’s enormous flatscreen TV and Jared’s professional sound system, they looked quite good in the media department, and once they’d gotten rid of the mothball smell and gross cushion-stains, things started to feel homey.

In fact, hogging the sofa and watching movies became one of their favorite pastimes, especially on lazy Sunday afternoons or those cold mornings in October when the world was still asleep and Jensen came home from one party or another. Together they would settle down in front of a trash movie, eating take-out or lasagna or leftover pizza from the day before in companionable silence. They had fallen into that sweet routine, and for Jared it felt so completely natural, he didn’t even question it. When he was curled into a blanket with his feet resting against Jensen’s thigh, his toes wiggling against the hard muscles there and his eyes slowly drooping, he was content, warm and soft and allowed to live by his own standards without being judged or criticized.

Jensen didn’t question Jared’s decisions to remain suspicious of  the outside world. He didn’t make fun of Jared’s work in front of the computer in fact he sometimes sat down next to Jared when he was working for a game review and quietly watched him playing, editing, commenting. He seemed really impressed with Jared’s extensive technical knowledge, and liked to watch him play _Hearthstone_ for hours on end.

“It’s so soothing,” he explained one night after a particularly long session, flopping down on Jared’s bed.

“What now?” Jared snorted and closed the _battle.net_ client before spinning his chair to face his roommate.

Jensen smiled. “There’s something really comforting about the way you play and stream that card game. Calms me right down,” he explained while staring up at the ceiling.

Jensen looked beautiful that evening, in his soft sweatpants and his baggy shirt, feet stuck in a pair of thick wool socks. Jared liked him that way the most, with his mouth slack and his body pliant.

“Well, looks like you’re not the only one who likes to think so,” Jared replied with a smirk as he eyed today’s viewer count on twitch. Almost three thousand total.

Jensen nodded, scrubbing a hand across his face. “I could never do it, I suck at videogames. My brother once tried to rope me into uh, what was it called? _Halo_? It was a complete disaster, almost broke the little handheld thingie.”

“Controller,” Jared clarified.

“Yes, the controller.”

Jared couldn’t bite back a snicker and sank deeper his chair. “I never enjoyed _Halo_ myself, so you’re forgiven. There’s plenty of other games you might like though. If you’re up for it, that is.”

The smile Jensen shot him was contented, his body melting some more into the cushions of Jared’s bed. “Maybe one day,” he drawled, hugging Jared’s pillow like he was about to set up camp right there in the cramped space of Jared’s room. “For now I’m good with just watching. And listening to your voice while you keep nerd-talking to your followers.”

Jared felt a little blush creeping up his cheeks. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jensen smiled, then rolled over to look directly at Jared. “Your stream helps me sleep when I have a headache. Think it’s your voice.”

Jared swallowed. This was new. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “Hey, wanna get some food? I’m starving.”

Jensen nodded, blinking slowly.

Later, after they had ordered take-out and Jensen had retreated into his own room, Jared fired up his laptop again and started a late night stream of _Hearthstone_. Granted, he didn’t have a lot of viewers at such a late hour but he made sure to send a link to Jensen anyway, streaming until long after midnight when Jensen was sound asleep.

 ♦ 

When spring term started, Jensen took Jared to the opening game of the football season. They had been arguing about it the evening before, and when Jared woke up to an overcast sky, sun swallowed by a bank of threatening rainclouds, he was even more opposed to the prospect of spending the afternoon out in the cold. But Jensen was insistent about his plans and Jared eventually caved. He kept sulking over his bowl of cereal until Jensen was out of sight and then smiled a bit at Jensen’s unquenched enthusiasm.

The day went as expected and Jared found himself soaked to the bone halfway through the game. He didn’t mind it all that much though: with his left thigh pressed alongside Jensen’s and their shoulders brushing tentatively he was hardly getting cold, and the mood in the stadium was good enough to keep even Jared on the edge of his seat. Their home team was losing, but they fought like a pride of lions and Jared had to admit it was pretty fun watching them play, even with his sight blurred by pouring rain.

“To the left!” Jensen yelled after a particularly swift maneuver of their school’s team. And then, turning to Jared and leaning in to talk over the roaring crowd, he asked, “Are you having fun, Jay?”

Nodding, Jared gave him a thumbs up. “It’s actually great,” he admitted. “Wet, but great.”

“Well, it’s not always wet,” Jensen laughed and leaned in a little more to brush a few hairs from Jared’s temple. He didn’t seem to notice the intimacy of the gesture and instead kept chatting with Jared about the game, the weather, the players of which apparently he miraculously knew all by name. Meanwhile Jared’s heart skipped a few beats when he realized how _close_ Jensen was, and for the remainder of the game they stayed like that, huddled together against the rain and with their bodies touching casually in all the right places.

Afterwards, Jensen was invited by a few friends for a couple of beers at one of the many student clubs, and Jared tagged along. He didn’t manage to come up with a good excuse in time, and after all, he had had a pretty awesome day with Jensen. Why stop now?

It turned out to be the right decision, for the evening shaped up great. They were cooped up in a small basement club, with posters plastered all over the walls and loud music banging out of a decent speaker system. Beer was served in red plastic mugs and it wasn’t half bad, if a little stale. Jared found a comfortable armchair in a somewhat secluded corner to settle down and after only half an hour he was within the realm of being pleasantly buzzed. It seemed Jensen had a lot of friends demanding his undivided attention, but truth be told he never strayed too far, always made sure to keep a close eye on Jared throughout the evening.

By the end of the night, Jared was tipsy enough to be needing Jensen’s support as they walked towards their dorm. The night air was crisp and it hadn’t stopped raining since the afternoon. No moon hung up in the overcast sky, making it hard to see anything besides the looming shadows of the nearby buildings. The sidewalks were slippery and Jared leaned heavily on Jensen’s shoulder, fingers curled into his bicep. It was nice, walking so close while talking about the moon and the universe and god knows what else.

“The game was nice,” Jared commented, slurring a little.

Jensen nodded. “So you enjoyed yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You can come more often then, if you like.”

Snorting, Jared shrugged. “You bet I wanna come often,” he drawled, putting enough innuendo in his voice to erupt a roaring laugh from Jensen.

“That escalated quickly,” Jensen huffed between snorts of laughter. “Who would have known that with a little encouragement you’d go from flirty to dirty in no time.”

“Only when I’m drunk,” Jared clarified, giggling. “And ‘s not what I meant. I really wanna come again.”

“Uh huh, go on,” Jensen teased and Jared gave up trying to explain his words and instead tried to keep up with his friend’s stride, and possibly inched a little closer.

Jensen was a warm, solid presence next to Jared and when they tumbled over the threshold together and Jensen disentangled himself from Jared’s grip, Jared couldn’t help but feel a little lost.

He dreamed of the solar system that night and the rich, luxurious smell of honey. When he woke up next morning he was hungover, cranky and ready to spent the day in front of the TV, doing nothing but feeling sorry for himself and eating his own weight in chocolate.

Needless to say Jensen joined right in.

 ♦ 

During their summer break, Jared left for a few weeks to visit his sister and her son up in Canada. Meanwhile Jensen stayed in the dorm, idly waiting for Jared’s return so they could go on their hiking trip in the nearby mountains. It wasn’t anything like climbing the Rockies, but they had great fun walking off the known paths and crawling up the steep slopes, finding ways around the patches of thorny grass that sprouted along the craggy peaks. Jared wasn’t as strong as Jensen and lacked stamina, but he was nimble and light to compensate for his disadvantages.

The sun hung like a golden plate in the sky and once they had climbed past the treeline things heated up fairly quickly. The air was warm and heavy with pollen, and by the evening of the second day, Jared found his neck and forearms sunburnt, Jensen’s freckles more pronounced after the time under the sun.

When darkness fell, they set up camp wherever they thought was the right place and sparked a small fire to heat their food. Cicadas sung, the wind whistled in the treetops and when they settled in for the night in their small tent, Jared felt like a thirteen year old teenager again and was just as giddy. They talked about everything between heaven and earth and—much like real boy scouts—roasted marshmallows in the blaze. They shared their secrets and licked their sticky fingers once they were stuffed full of sugar and then lay in silence to watch the stars until they fell asleep.

Jared loved every minute of their trip, but after eating Ravioli straight out of the can for three days in a row he was ready for some coffee and a good old-fashioned sandwich. Jensen seemed to agree, and when they returned to their dorm, they proceeded to order pizza and salad and ice cream and wine.

It was the best summer Jared had had in a long, long while and it continued to be pretty amazing. When the weather got hot, they went swimming, when it was rainy they stayed inside to watch movies or play board games. When they were hungry they ate and Jared had never had so much beer and fries as he did on a fateful Saturday night after a particularly exhausting day of streaming _Starcraft II: Legacy of the Void_.

With Jensen around, everything seemed to be fun, and Jared found he enjoyed himself immensely, even when his roommate dragged him to one of the dreaded campus parties. One night during a thunderstorm, Jensen woke Jared to pull him outside, dancing in the rain in his pajamas and teasing Jared until he joined in. The downpour was cleansing after a particularly long, dry two weeks, and Jensen had been hollering at the darkened sky, jumping into puddles like a twelve year old and soaking his and Jared’s pajama pants with muddy rainwater.

On warm nights they sat on the fire escape to see the moon, talking and laughing until their bellies hurt. They let their hair get ruffled by the breeze and poked each other in the ribs, giggling like fifth graders.

Jared liked Jensen. And Jensen seemed to like Jared. And for a long while, things were absolutely perfect and easy the way they were.

 ♦ 

Time flew by and school got more challenging by the week. Classes started to demand actual attention and by the end of the year, Jared and Jensen were sitting knee-deep in essays and term papers, a handful of exams sitting between them and the blissful indulgence of Christmas vacations. Neither of them got to sleep very much during the last days before the exams, and Jensen was about to lose his mind over the formatting of his term paper when Jared took pity on him. Together they pulled an all-nighter in front of Jared’s laptop screen, surrounded by empty energy drink cans and tremendous amounts junk food. Jensen got up to brew hot, strong coffee once in awhile while Jared was hammering away on the keyboard and with their combined forces—and to Jensen’s infinite surprise—they managed to hit the deadline just in time.

Afterward, they slept for twelve hours straight, and then celebrated their triumph with a decent microwave meal and a couple of beers. Jensen then went to see a few friends and Jared stayed in their dorm room, recording a video to conclude the year and upload the latest episode of his _Undertale_ playthrough.

The next morning came quickly, and seeing as it was the last before the departure to their respective homes, they made an effort to empty the fridge completely. It resulted in a rather distasteful mix of sausages, cold pasta and stale pop tarts for breakfast, and when they were done finishing the dishes the long wait for their rides began.

“So your parents are coming down to pick you up?” Jensen asked, perched on the sofa’s armrest.

Jared nodded.

“Seriously? All the way from Canada? Well, that’s quite something.”

“We live like ten miles from the border and my dad has business in town, so it’s not too much of a hassle I guess.” Jared replied, rolling his eyes. “When’s your ride gonna come?”

Jensen shrugged, picking his nails and taking a sip from his soda can. “I dunno, they said they’d call. It’s fine though, I’m not too keen on getting home. We’ve got a… uh… a thing.”

“What thing?” Jared asked, genuinely curious.

“It’s a family tradition. My parents throw this fancy dinner party each year in December and basically invite every prissy, stuck-up snob in town to our house. It’s quite formal and I—”

“You don’t like it,” Jared assumed judging by Jensen’s less than enthusiastic tone. “Is it so bad, then?”

Jensen seemed to consider his words for a moment, then shrugged. “It’s just that there are certain standards to be met and I don’t work well under pressure. As you probably already know.”

Jared smiled. “Which standards?” he asked softly and put as much empathy and comfort in his voice as he could muster. Jensen seemed to get more upset by the minute.

“Dancing, for example.”

“Dancing?”

“Yeah, you heard me right. Dancing. I dress in this fancy-ass tux and people expect me to dance and I can’t do it. I mean I _can_ dance, but not like that. Not in a stiff, formal way.”

Jared huffed out a laugh. “Like what? Tango? Waltz?”

Jensen nodded, defeated, and groaned at the amusement Jared couldn’t hide even when he swallowed a snicker.

“Well, if that’s what’s bothering you, why don’t we give it a spin?”

“What? Here? Right now?” Jensen gasped, looking at Jared like he had temporarily lost his mind.

“Sure. I don’t see why not. There’s still some time left until we gotta leave and I can set up some music on my phone. I mean, I’m not a brilliant dancer, but I’ve got some moves and maybe it’ll help you some for that fancy party of yours.”

Jensen was flat-out gaping by the time Jared had gotten up and his nod was slow and uncertain. It was enough confirmation for Jared to scroll through his playlist though, and after a minute or so quiet music was heard.

“Let’s start with a slow waltz, shall we?” Jared asked, pulling Jensen from his spot on the armrest and kicking their beanbag chair aside to make room for the two of them.

“Okay, first off: don’t ever look at your feet. You’ll stumble and fall,” Jared explained just like his ninth grade dance teacher had told him. “Stand tall, arms in position, feet facing towards your partner and—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jensen interrupted, holding his palms up to stop the stream of words that was falling from Jared’s mouth. “I’m not an idiot, Jay, I just can’t formal-dance.”

“But you said—”

Jensen gave his best impression of an affronted look. “I know what I said. But I did have some dancing lessons in school, alright, I just happened to skip one or two.”

“So what _can_ you do?” Jared asked as he cocked his head.

“Flamenco, baby,” Jensen blurted out, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Jared snorted. “With those hips? Not a chance, buddy. You’re as stiff as a ladder.”

“Says the geeky nerd,” Jensen shot back with a grin.

“I’ll have you know I’m not just all nimble fingers, there’s plenty going on below the waist, too. Now shut up and let’s try this; after all it’s you who can’t waltz.”

Jensen laughed so much that his body bent with amusement. “That’s really not what I said, Jay,” But he let himself be guided into the right position, one hand around Jared’s waist and the other cradled in his roommate’s grip.

They danced to the music and laughed until their bellies hurt. Jensen kept trampling Jared’s feet and made up shitty excuses, poking Jared’s ribs when he pulled a face. They waltzed, rumba’d and tango’d through the living room, or at least attempted to, and when the doorbell rang to signal the arrival of Jared’s parents, the mood dropped like a stone into the calm surface of a lake. Quietly, Jared gathered his belongings and pocketed his phone before he turned to meet Jensen’s eyes, the look on their faces heavy.

“See you next year, buddy,” Jensen said. “Take care.”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, you too,” he replied and his throat felt parched, almost too tight around the words.

They hugged after that, a little awkward and stiff and nothing like the fun, giddy dancing had been. Jensen clapped his back and Jared sighed deeply. He would miss his friend dearly, and when they pulled apart, Jared felt his heart throb painfully in his chest.

He was halfway down the stairs when he heard Jensen’s voice behind him, asking him to wait and then:

“Call me?”

Jared promised and their hug was impossibly tighter this time and Jared wasn’t afraid to admit that he was clinging to Jensen for dear life, face smushed into the crook of Jensen’s neck and body tucked against the curve of his friend’s body. Somewhere outside his father honked impatiently and after a last squeeze they pulled apart once more.

Jared took off with butterflies fluttering in his belly, the smudged remainders of a grin plastered to his face for the entire ride home.


	2. Chapter 2

In their second year, Jared met Jason.

It was during the afterparty of a football game and Jensen introduced them like a proper gentleman. Jason was captain of the football team, and Jared doubted that there was a single inch on Jason’s body that wasn’t steeled and steadfast. He was tall, bulky, and had a few intriguing tattoos down his forearms. He liked to wear his hair in a wild mop and Jared loved it, wanted to thread his fingers through the thick locks.

And yet the most curious thing about Jason wasn’t the little scar above his left eye or the way he could effortlessly keep up an entire conversation without tripping over his own tongue even after a few cups of beer. No, the most intriguing thing about him was his genuine interest in Jared and how he treated him with so much care, almost as if Jared was something precious. Jason was gentle and flirty around Jared, smiled a lot and was courteous in a way Jared didn’t know still existed. He made Jared laugh, and that—above all things—made Jared fall for him. Just a little bit.

One day after school, Jared came home to Jensen kneeling in the bathroom, stuffing the washing machine with his laundry. His lips pulled into a smile once he saw Jared walk by, but there was an uneasiness to him that made Jared stop dead in his tracks.

“Hey Jen, what are you up to?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Jensen snorted. “What does it look like? I’m washing my clothes, my foolish friend. And you? Any plans for today?”

“Well, it’s not as exciting as doing laundry, but I’m gonna meet Jason later. We’re gonna go to the aquarium.”

“Seriously?” Jensen said, filling laundry detergent and washing powder into the chambers and starting up the machine. “That’s really lame.”

He didn’t mean it, and Jared huffed out a laugh, smiling a little brighter. He was about to bring up another topic, when Jensen cleared his throat a little awkwardly. Jared froze. Things hadn’t been awkward between them for quite some time now.

“So, uh, you and Jason, huh?”

Jared felt his brows knitting together. “Yeah,” he said, having a hard time trying to grind down his suddenly lurching stomach.

“He’s, uh nice, yeah? I mean, I know that he’s nice, he’s a good guy and captain of the football team and all. Did this amazing Minnesota shift last semester, I tell ya. Flicked Jameson right out of the field, what a play that was.” Jensen was rambling at this point and his feet kept shuffling on the tiles. A tinge of pink suffused his cheeks and Jared’s chest clenched painfully tight at the possibility of Jensen turning out to be closed-minded and old-fashioned concerning Jared’s sexuality. Not everyone was okay with their roommates being gay, right?

There was a long pause in which Jared tried to retain his calm and Jensen fidgeted some more before, very quietly, he spoke again. “Is he, um, is he treating you good?”

It felt like a part of Jared’s heart broke free before plummeting to the bottom of his stomach. That was it? Jensen wasn’t appalled by Jared’s homosexuality at all, just concerned, like the amazing, caring friend he has been since day one?

“Yes,” Jared breathed. “He’s perfectly charming and a real gentleman.”

For a moment the look on Jensen’s face was unreadable, then he was smiling shakily. “Good, that’s good. Real good.” he hesitated briefly, smile seemingly faltering a bit. “Good on you, then. I, uh, gotta go now. Finish my homework.”

“Are you okay, Jensen?” Jared asked as his friend pushed past him, clapping his shoulder on his way out. Concern was lingering in Jared’s voice, but Jensen waved it off easily.

“Sure, buddy,” he said, and with that he vanished into the living room, leaving Jared to change into something more comfortable before he met Jason for their date.

Jared and Jason spent the entirety of five long months together, getting to know each other **.** Every weekend, Jason took Jared out on a date and after a few weeks Jared knew every cafe, every movie theater and every pub within a ten mile radius of the dorm. Being around Jason made Jared feel a little less like the awkward bystander he used to be for the bigger part of his life, and Jared discovered he enjoyed the stares they caught when they walked the campus.

Jason remained sweet and attentive, let Jared hold his hand, and kissed him with warm, hungry lips in between football matches. He tasted like smoke, and Jared liked his unruly hair, buried his face entirely in it when they made out in the backseat of Jason’s car or within the small confines of Jared’s queen-sized bed. Jason was the kind of guy who took Jared to robot fights in the backroom of sleazy bars and showed him how to scuba dive in the college pool.

It wasn’t the head-over-heels, batshit-crazy-for-each-other love Jared had seen in classic movies, not even the burning-sensation-somewhere-behind-his-ribcage scaled amounts of affection, but it was a good, honest-to-god crush and Jared decided he wanted to make the most of it. They made a great couple once they decided to _really_ do it, and for a while it felt good. _Real_ good. Until it didn’t anymore, and one evening in late September Jared came home from a date too early, finding Jensen sitting on the sofa and watching a movie.

“Yo nerd, waddup?” Jensen greeted, frowning instantly at the look on Jared’s face. “Christ Jared, you look like shit. Are you okay?”

Jared didn’t reply and after he’d peeled himself out of his boots and coat he walked over to the sofa on shaky legs, sinking down.

“Jared? Man, you gotta talk to me, buddy. What happened?”

Jared shrugged, shook his head, and with a small whimper he sagged against his friend. He practically fell into Jensen with hands clinging to the worn hoodie his friend was wearing.

“Jensen,“ Jared sobbed, scrambling for purchase on the soft fabric and the bulk of warm, pliant muscles underneath. It felt like someone had pulled the rug out from underneath him and his heart was clenching so painfully in his chest, his eyes stinging at the corners.

“Jared, what happened? Please talk to me, you’re scaring me,” Jensen pleaded while he kept Jared in a close hug, going so far as to pull him halfway into his lap.

Jared wasn’t aware that he was shaking and only when a row of quiet, wet sobs climbed up his throat did he realize that he was crying.

“Jason broke up with me,” he murmured and peeled his face away from Jensen to look him straight in the eye. “Said it’s too slow; things are moving too slow.”

Jensen didn’t say anything in response, but his face darkened as he pulled Jared in for another hug, his grip almost painfully tight this time. He hadn’t been exactly fond of Jason to begin with, only accepted him for Jared’s sake, and once Jared let the cat out of the bag, Jensen scowled whenever someone brought up the topic of Jason freaking Momoa for the rest of their college career.

“‘S alright,” Jensen said as he held Jared through his crying fit, petting his hair softly and rocking them back and forth. The movie was blaring in the background and Jensen smelled like beer and laundry detergent and after almost half an hour of quiet crying the world didn’t feel so bad anymore. Granted, there still was a hot, tight knot in Jared’s stomach and his chest was brimming with rejection, but it was quite alright. Or at least it would be.

He had fallen for Jason. Just a little bit, but hard enough that it would leave a scar. But at least he had tried. And therein lay a strange kind of solace.

That night when he went to bed, Jared’s head was aching as was his chest. Together, Jared and Jensen had finished the movie and started a second until their eyes had started to droop. Jensen had hovered close the entire time, one hand resting on Jared’s ankle and the other drawing patterns on his calf. Jared was grateful and found comfort in the small, heartfelt gestures and the easy familiarity between them.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jensen had whispered before they bid each other good night. “You’re gonna be okay.”

And strangely enough, Jared had believed him.

The next day, Jensen borrowed a car from a friend and ignored Jared’s complaints as he pulled him into the shotgun seat. They drove off in the light of a golden fall afternoon and once dawn had fallen they stopped on a field just outside town, the gigantic screen of a drive-in theater in front of them.

“They’re showing your favorite,” Jensen explained while digging into the brown paper bag that was sitting on his knees. They had stopped at the local supermarket to get burgers and soda and a sixpack of beer, Jared reluctantly staying in the car and demanding Reese’s Pieces which Jensen promptly provided.

“ _Bladerunner_?” Jared asked incredulously, slightly amused by the idea of watching movies from inside a car like an old-school couple from the early ‘50s.

“Nah, your other favorite.”

Jared’s brows knitted together _. “_ _Ghostbusters?”_

“No, you giant geek,” Jensen sighed, handing Jared the package of Reese’s Pieces and a can of beer. “It’s _Jurassic Park,_ they’re showing _Jurassic Park_.”

“Ooh,” Jared replied with a smile, nestling deeper into the seat. He was startlingly calm for someone who just got dumped by the captain of the football team and was surprised he wasn’t moping around in his room, listening to _Frankie Goes To Hollywood_ and eating his own weight in chocolate.

“I really like this one,” he said after the movie started to roll and Jensen had finished off his burger.

“Well duh, that’s what I thought,” Jensen muttered and gave Jared a smile so bright it made the corners of his eyes crinkle—a look that was unfathomably charming to Jared.

They sat through the entire movie without saying a single word and it didn’t feel weird. Jared sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and Jensen slouching behind the steering wheel, popping sour candies into his mouth and shooting Jared a smile whenever they eyes met.

It was comfortable and somehow exactly what Jared needed to forget that painful, sharp pull inside his chest.

 ♦ 

Christmas seemed to creep up on them quickly that year and exam season was upon them within the blink of an eye. Jensen was—once again—sweating bullets over a bunch of term papers and Jared struggled with his assignments for Computer Science. They both passed by the skin of their teeth and when the stress was over and anxiety drained out of them, it was almost the 23rd and time for them to pack already.

Only this year Jared definitely didn’t want to, and so he demonstratively sat himself down on the sofa instead, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“This whole driving around for the holidays thing is as stupid as it gets,” he complained to his roommate. “Why do people keep doing it?”

“Beats me,” Jensen replied from where he was standing in the kitchen, fixing them a sandwich each. He was wearing the silly _Kiss the Cook_ apron Jared got him last year for his birthday and it was infuriating how he managed to pull even that look off.

“Once I’m an evil mastermind and you’re my henchman I’m totes gonna change that, “ Jared grumbled, pulling a throw pillow in his lap and staring at the ceiling.

They had sandwiches and scrambled eggs for dinner and Jared was playing the new _Hearthstone_ expansion at Jensen’s request. Conversation flowed easily between them and they kept passing a bottle of cheap whisky back and forth to celebrate the end of the semester. The lights were dim and the music low, snow falling outside the over-frosted windows.

“You looking forward to that lame-ass party your parents throw every year?” Jared slurred after he’d downed a particularly big gulp of whisky.

Jensen groaned. “Did you have to bring that up right now?”

Jared played a cheeky move on his laptop, snickering to himself. “Of course I had to. Who else is going to do it?”

“Remind me why we’re friends again?” Jensen hissed, and slapping Jared’s thigh, he slouched a little deeper into the cushions of their sofa.

Jared let out a hearty laugh and took another swig from the bottle. “Aw, you love me, Jensen.”

“You’re the bane of my existence.”

“Uh huh, but you still love me,” Jared argued and finished his game of cards with a victory, closing his laptop before sliding it onto the coffee table.

Jensen treated himself to a sip of whisky, almost draining the bottle completely, and shook his head in amusement. “You’re a menace, Jared Padalecki, the absolute worst.”

His eyes were a little bit unfocused, but they crinkled around the corners and Jared loved that look on Jensen.

“Oh, we’re doing last names now? Fancy,” Jared commented and cackling to himself he settled down cross-legged, face turning towards his roommate. The tavern-y music of the game was still trickling through the speakers and together they finished the bottle of whisky, sharing the last swig in a brotherly manner before they fell back into the cushions.

Jensen’s body was angled towards Jared’s and it felt really good.

“You know, I really don’t wanna go,” Jared slurred and Jensen grunted in return, shifting so his temple was leaning against the sofa’s backrest.

He was gazing directly at Jared now and the silence between them grew a little restless, shifting until it felt like electricity was charging the air to the point of crackling zings starting to surge up Jared’s spine.

“Next time we’ll stay here and make our own Christmas, yeah? Just you and me and a crappy tree with no decorations.”

“Will there be pizza?”

Jared felt laughter bubbling up his chest. “Yeah, plenty. And enough eggnog to last us until New Year’s Eve. We’re gonna have a feast.”

He felt Jensen slump a little bit against his shoulder and on a whim Jared leaned closer, resting his chin on Jensen’s head.

“Jared,” Jensen muttered very quietly and slowly he nudged his hand against Jared’s. It was just a whisper of a touch and Jared’s mind drifted back into reality just in time to feel Jensen’s fingers running down his wrist, into his palm and up until their fingers were laced together in a loose grip.

It was gentle and incredibly tender and Jared felt like his breath was lodged somewhere behind his lungs. His heart ached and beat and beat and carefully he brushed his thumb across the skin on Jensen’s hand, feeling the warmth and exhaling slowly.

Neither of them said a word after that and the game’s silly music kept playing in the background on a loop. The booze ran heavy in their veins and after a few minutes of silence their eyelids drooped, their breaths evening out until they dozed off, hands still linked together and resting between them on the sofa cushions.

Jared rose early the next morning. It was still dark outside, but light was filtering through the gap beneath Jared’s door. Someone was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards and music was playing quietly enough not to stir Jared from his slumber.

They had woken up somewhere around midnight and blearily staggered to their respective beds. Jensen’s hand had been gone when Jared had blinked his eyes open, but the warmth had lingered even when Jared had slipped beneath the covers.

Now he was struggling to pull on some clothes and with a splitting headache and a queasy feeling in his stomach he started to throw his clothes in his backpack, one piece at a time, his thoughts trailing through the night before.

After he was done packing and there was really nothing else to do anymore, he stepped out of his room and into the kitchen where he found Jensen, sitting on the window sill. His smile was thin and by the way he was poking through his cereal and smooth Jazz was playing from the speakers, Jared could tell that he, too, was suffering from a terrible hangover.

“Whose idea was it to drink the day before we gotta leave?” he asked and Jared shrugged, smiling painfully.

They didn’t talk much, and the air was brimming with the heavy prospect of their imminent departure. Haphazardly they picked up clothes to throw them into their bags, collected the dishes they had scattered throughout the entire dorm, and once the sun started to come up, they settled down at the kitchen table—much like last year—to wait for their rides.

Only this time their hearts were heavy and Jared felt like he was breaking inside, his chest throbbing with a kind of pain he had never known before. Last night, Jensen had held his hand and it had done things to him. It hadn’t be the first time Jared had thought about it, had fantasized about kissing Jensen, being kissed by him. Hell, he even had jerked off to the thought of Jensen fucking him into the mattress.

The doorbell rang and Jared jerked out of his daydream, eyes flying to meet Jensen’s direct gaze.

“That’s me,” he murmured and they both stood to walk towards the front door. Jared told his parents through the intercom to give him a minute, then slipped into his coat before picking up his luggage.

“See you next year?” he offered to Jensen who only nodded, smiling thinly. The freckles on the bridge of his nose looked paler than usual and Jared had to fight the urge to press his palm against Jensen’s forehead to check if he had a fever. It would have been a reason to stay.

“Jared, I—”

“Yes?”

The silence seemed to stretch endlessly between them and they stood in front of each other, awkward and quiet and tired. It was hard to admit that neither knew what to say, and Jared swallowed heavily, offering a smile.

“Merry Christmas, Jen,” he said breathily and opened his arms for a hug, sighing wistfully when Jensen responded in kind.

They clung to each other like they were starving for it, and it was warm and soft. Jensen smelled like clean sweat and whisky and sugary cereal and Jared loved it, loved every second of their tight embrace. Neither of them seemed to be willing to let go, but eventually Jared had to leave.

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care. Gonna need you around next semester,” Jensen said and waved his friend goodbye with a sad smile, his hair disheveled and his chest moving rapidly beneath his sweater.

 ♦ 

On the 25th, Jared celebrated Christmas with his family and every distant relative within a two hundred mile radius. Their house was swarming with cousins, uncles and aunts, and after the traditional feast they all went to the living room to rip open their presents and watch a movie. Jared didn’t feel like any of it though, and excused himself with a headache after the present opening. He went straight up to his room, making a beeline for the shower before he sprawled out on his bed.

Things had been weird lately and Jared was tired from all the worrying he had done. His limbs were heavy and he felt exhausted to the bone, his body buzzing with anxiety and uncertainty. Jensen had taken his hand, even going so far as holding it. And even worse: he had said Jared’s name so softly, with so much tender fondness in his voice. Like he really meant it.

Sighing, Jared rolled around to grab his pajama bottoms and shimmied into them. He struggled with his pillows and blanket for a while before he managed to turn off his bedside lamp, lying down.

Snow was falling in big, fat flakes outside his window, and aside from the muffled murmur coming from two floors downstairs, the world was quiet enough for Jared to fall back into dull brooding. Eventually he did fall asleep but not before remembering the ghost of Jensen’s touch on his fingers, the warmth of Jensen’s palm against his skin.

Roughly two hours later, Jared woke with a start. Something had stirred him out of his sleep and after a few seconds of bleary, uncoordinated fumbling he found the source of the disturbance. His phone was chiming quietly, signaling an incoming call, and the displayed flashed a familiar name when Jared pressed the button.

“Jensen?”

“Yeah… uh… hi. Jared?”

Jared sighed, rubbing a hand across his face to chase the sleep away. “Yeah, it’s me. You called me, remember?”

There was some shuffling on the other end of the line and Jared heard himself asking, “What’s going on, Jen? Did something happen?”

For a moment Jared was utterly alarmed and half-expected Jensen to drop some terrible news. But Jensen only laughed quietly.

“Nah, ‘s all good. I just wanted to call and say hi.”

“Jensen, it’s fucking two in the morning.”

“I know.”

Jared groaned and tried to sit up some but failed miserably. The noises downstairs had died down and all he heard was the crackling of the wooden floor panels and the wind’s eerie howl in the attic.

There was a beat of silence and for a second Jared considered hanging up on his friend, but then again, this was Jensen. So instead he pulled his blanket up to his nose and waited.

“So, what've you been up to?” Jensen asked eventually, sounding much more awake than Jared.

“Uh, sleeping?”

“Oh right, you need your beauty sleep,” Jensen teased in his thick Texas drawl and Jared rolled his eyes against the ceiling.

“Fuck off, man. I’m very pretty and desirable,” Jared grumbled. “I dated the captain of the football team, remember?”

Jared could _hear_ Jensen frown when he said “Really now, Jay?”

“You don't have to play cool, dude, I know you feel intimidated by my dashing beauty,” Jared joked lightly and wiggled in his bed, curling his toes into his blanket. For some reason he felt adventurous and had every intent to explore this strange, new territory.

Jensen’s reply wasn’t what Jared had expected at all when he just said, “And?”

“It was a joke, you buttmunch,” Jared explained, feeling the tips of his ears turning pink with heat. “I’m not the one whose aftershave has the ‘scent to drive all the ladies wild’.”

Jensen groaned like someone had punched him in the stomach. “Jesus fuck, Jared. You’ll never let that go, will you? It was a _gift_.”

Jared snickered at that, thrilled by his ability to easily push _all_ of Jensen’s buttons even at two in the morning. Jensen snorted at Jared’s amusement and the line went quiet again for a while, both of them settling into their respective beds.

“Hey Jensen?” Jared asked eventually, his voice soft. He sucked his lower lip between his teeth and clicked his tongue.

“Mh?”

“It works, you know... the whole _driving wild_ thing.”

Now it was Jensen’s turn to chuckle. “That so?”

“I mean it works... for _me_ ,” Jared stammered, voice fading into a whisper towards the end. His face was fully aflame by the time he finished the sentence and with his heart beating in his throat he held his breath.

“Really?” Jensen murmured, his tone gentle. “That’s good.”

Jared blinked once, twice, and felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, his stomach flip-flopping with excitement. “Did you do it on purpose, then? Rubbing that stuff all over you before movie nights?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jensen confirmed and both of them huffed out a laugh in a rush, breaths catching in their throats. “I miss you, Jared. Can't move an inch without bumping into a piece of you.”

“Miss you, too, Jensen,” Jared replied and suddenly he felt very cold and very alone in his bed. “How’s Christmas going in the Ackles household?”

“Let’s talk about something else, yeah?” Jensen mumbled and his voice faltered. “Don’t get me wrong, I really wanna share but… uh… not right now with my parents downstairs and too many miles between you and me...” He trailed off.

“It's okay, Jen,” Jared said gently and squeezed his eyes shut in the darkness, the heel of his left hand pressing against his closed lids.

Jensen made a noncommittal grunt and the conversation died again until Jared picked it up with the first thing he could think of.

“My parents are gonna leave tomorrow to spend New Year’s Eve at their cabin in the mountains and they’ll take the entire rest of my family with them. Finally.”

“And you?”

Jared shrugged. “I’m gonna stay at home. Someone has to take care of my mom’s cats and I don’t mind, seeing that I’ve become the cranky salt-ass of my family. So no one wants me around anyway.”

“I do.”

“Aww.”

“No Jared, I’m serious,” Jensen’s voice was quiet and firm, his breath crackling evenly through the line. “I want you around. Always. I... I want you, Jared, I want you _bad_.”

There it was. Three, simple words. Jared felt like he had been sucker-punched, as though he had missed a step in a dream and startled awake by the expected impact. His stomach did a somersault, heart fluttering like a restless bird.

And without even meaning to, Jared let out the softest moan.

“Though I’ve never done anything like it and this might ruin everything we have.” Jensen’s voice sounded the slightest bit uncertain by now, and he kept going despite Jared’s silence. “But I’ve been miserable ever since you left two days ago and I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“So don’t,” Jared suggested very quietly, and his voice sounded just as wobbly as his knees felt. His skin was tingling and his heart was well on the way to beating out of his chest. Strangely, in the quiet of the night and hidden beneath the covers he felt as though he could show Jensen all the cards he held in his hand.

“I feel like such an idiot, Jay, for wasting all that time,” Jensen said and his voice was ever so soft. “I should’ve told you earlier.”

“S’okay,” Jared managed to breathe out. He was about to break.

The line went quiet aside from the static crackle caused by the frost and by the time Jensen picked up the conversation again, Jared had a hand clamped across his mouth to prevent it from spilling further, embarrassing noises.

“Have you thought about me in that way?” Jensen asked quietly and for the first time since they met he seemed honest-to-god nervous.

“Yeah,” Jared whispered softly. “Many times.”

Jensen seemed to consider his words and for a moment the line went silent, giving Jared enough time to be incredibly embarrassed about his confession. It wasn’t like it had been a lie—Jared had thought about being with Jensen almost every day throughout the past year—but things weren’t all that easy. Of course they weren’t. If it had been, Jared would’ve kissed Jensen in their first week and let himself be fucked in the second, instead of sticking his own fingers up his ass every night for the past months, wishing for them to be Jensen’s. One night roughly a week after the break-up with Jason they had a little too much to drink and Jared remembered talking butt-stuff with Jensen. It had been Jensen who had initiated the conversation, asking how it felt. There had been giggles after that, blushing, and Jared heard himself say, “Real fucking good, Jen. Being stuffed full like that, getting fucked, feeling a cock slide in and out of your hole, it’s the goddamn Holy Grail.” Jared went to bed horny that night, fingering himself raw and crying Jensen’s name when he came all over himself.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jensen asked after a while and Jared nodded slowly until he remembered that Jensen couldn’t see him.

“Shoot.”

Jensen needed another beat to squirm around the words before he spilled, his voice so rough and quiet that Jared barely heard him over the static. “Have you thought about me while jerking off?”

It was blunt, but apparently Jensen needed to know so Jared replied in a heartbeat. “Same answer: yeah, many times.”

Jensen made a sound like his breath had gotten stuck in his throat on an inhale, and Jared was almost ashamed to feel his cock stir in his pajama pants. He had no idea where this was going, but he sure liked the direction.

“You wanna… tell me?” Jensen continued, sucking in a harsh breath.

There was no explanation other than Jared’s brain went temporarily offline, and with a whimper he said, “Yeah,” and then on a whim, “Thought about your cock, Jensen, how it might taste on my tongue.”

Jensen hissed like he had burned a finger on a stove and Jared couldn’t help himself but go on. “Wondered if your cock would fit in my mouth if I tried to swallow it all the way down my throat,” he blurted out, eliciting a low moan from Jensen that made Jared's cock thicken in his pants.

“Yeah?” Jensen moaned. “What else?”

Jared whined and when his cock gave an interested twitch, he slowly let go of the phone and let one hand travel south, down and down towards the bulge beneath the blankets.

“Would you like to give me a blowjob, Jay?”

“Oh god yes, you have no fucking idea,” Jared sighed, feeling his hips buck up, thrust into nothing but warm blankets and thin air. Heat nestled in his cheeks and down between his thighs, dragged out the ache in his bones and pulled his muscles tight with arousal.

Jensen's breath was ragged against Jared’s ear and with a huff he asked “What do you like best? Tell me.”

“Jensen,” Jared whined and it sounded so needy. His cock was hard and leaking and he wanted, god, he _wanted_ so much.

“C'mon Jared, tell me. _Talk to me_ , that's how phone sex works,” Jensen sounded both delighted and devastated.

Jared could barely piece the words together, but when he did it sent a hot thrill through his stomach. “I wasn't aware that's what we were doing here, Jensen.”

“Don't you wanna?” Jensen asked, quickly enough to make it sound desperate and a little anxious.

“You have no idea,” Jared huffed. “Fuck Jensen, I have my hand halfway down my pants, what do you expect me to say?”

Jensen had the decency not to laugh, but still he sounded slightly amused when he said, “Talk to me about what you want me to do, Jay. Be honest with me, graphic details and all. I wanna hear you running your filthy little mouth.”

And that was the hottest thing Jared had ever heard someone say, and his brains stuttered to a halt, his fingers almost curling around the bulge between his thighs.

“I thought about you eating me out, Jen,” Jared confessed while fidgeting with the cotton drawstrings of his pajama pants, phone pressed between his flushed cheek and one bony shoulder. “About your mouth against my asshole and how you'd probably be just as enthusiastic down there as when you're eating a fucking burger.”

Jensen snickered, then moaned. “Go on.”

“Your fingers. I thought about your fingers, Jensen. When I fucked myself on mine—”

“Fuck, Jared,” Jensen hissed, voice muffled. “Are you touching yourself right now?”

Jared sighed. “Do you want me to?” His hand was still hovering painfully close to his cock, his fingers lingering against the drawstrings like the ghost of a touch. It was excruciating.

“Yes,” Jensen replied truthfully. “Touch your cock while you talk to me, yeah?”

It was the easiest order Jared ever had  to follow and with a “god, yes” he plucked the string open, shoving his hand down his pants as the filthiest moan left his mouth. He gasped when his fingers clasped around his cock, thumb pressing against the leaking slit to gather some of the sticky pre-come.

“That's right Jared, touch yourself,” Jensen crooned, encouraging Jared. His breath had gone ragged and he had fallen into his Texas accent again, like he always did when he lost focus.

“You want me to eat you out when we're back in the dorm? Want me to lick inside your little asshole and fuck you with my tongue? Because I want to, _god Jared_ , I really wanna do that for you.”

Jared gasped wetly and loud enough to startle himself. He pressed one finger under the tip of his twitching cock as he thumbed along the sensitive head and gripped himself so tight, imagining it was Jensen's hand.

“I wanna... I wanna,” Jared breathed and rocked into his hand.

Jensen let out a pleased sound. “I want to lie you down on my bed and spread your legs, Jared. Wanna take my sweet time with you, eat you out, lick you raw, see if I can make you come untouched.”

Jared was pretty sure he knew how to breathe but he seemed to have momentarily forgotten. So instead his mouth fell open uselessly and he shuddered into his palm, grinding up. There was no finesse in the way Jared jerked himself off to the sound of Jensen's voice and he felt his muscles lock up, ready to orgasm after only a few, desperate strokes.

That's when Jensen spoke again. “And I wanna press my whole body against yours, cover your skin with mine when you come down again and drink every little one of those dirty little moan from your lips, Jay.”

“God, fuck yes, Jensen,” Jared gasped, rubbing his thumb down his cock. His foreskin caught on the slick, pink tip with every thrust and it made Jared see stars. His asshole was clenched so tight, and though he was feeling painfully empty he was ready to fucking come in his pants like a teenager any second now.

And yet—“Wanna know what else I want you to do?” he asked breathily.

“You bet,” Jensen crooned with his voice muffled, phone probably buried somewhere between a broad shoulder and a flushed, freckled cheek.

Jared fucking whined. “I want you to fuck me, Jensen,” he replied bluntly and his cock slicked against his palm. He was so ready to come, his thighs trembling with the need to release the tension.

“Want to ride you until your cock's so deep inside me I can feel it for days. 'S gonna be so hard inside me, Jensen. I wanna... wanna feel it when you come inside my ass, fucking fill me up, god, fucking Jensen—”

“Shit Jay, fuck, I'm gonna fuck you stupid when I'm back, I promise,” Jensen moaned and a rush of hot breath filtered through the speaker.

Jared's voice broke on a moan as he coaxed himself to climax. His legs fell apart and with his hand loosely wrapped around his cock and his thumb rubbing across the slick tip he came, spurting wetly into his pajama pants. Heels digging into the mattress, back arching, he came and came and came until a sated tingle curled around his spine and he eventually remembered how to breathe again.

“Jared,” Jensen moaned quietly and Jared's heart stuttered to a halt. He had wet dreams about Jensen whispering his name like that; like it was the only name he could remember; like he really meant it. It was devastating and addictive in a way Jared didn't know was possible.

He still felt like he was vibrating out of skin when Jensen let out a soft laugh, his voice suddenly very close again.

“Shit man, I made a mess of the fucking sheets,” he confessed and now Jared could feel the laughter bubbling in his chest, too.

“Well, at least you're not sticky down your pants,” Jared replied with a snicker, uncurling his fingers from his softening cock. He was still reeling from the intense orgasm and his hand shook when he fumbled for a tissue on his nightstand.

Silence stretched between them while each of them was busy cleaning up the mess they had created together. When he was finished, Jared sunk back into his bed and listened to the static crackling of the line and Jensen's even breaths.

“I miss you so fucking much,” he said eventually and his voice sounded unusually small in the darkness. His heart clenched painfully and through the bliss he felt loneliness settling into his heart. After coming down from his high he missed having Jensen around even more, their easy banter, their casual touches during the day.

“I know, Jared,” Jensen mumbled. And then, “We can talk again tomorrow, if you want.”

Jared's grin was more than a little bit dirty. “I was afraid you were never going to ask.”

Jensen laughed again and Jared joined in, feeling his body go soft. He was sated and his limbs orgasm-heavy, brain slowly shutting off.

“We should get some sleep,” Jensen said after a moment like he had read Jared's blurry thoughts. “'S gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

Jared tried not sound whiny, but his voice broke a little anyway when he said, “Yeah, 's probably for the best.”

“Don't gimme that tone, Jay,” Jensen pleaded and sounded a lot like Jared felt. “We both came only  a few minutes ago while talking to each other and I'm still trying to wrap my head around what just happened. C'mon, try to focus on what's about to come.”

“Is it I? Am I about to come, again?” Jared joked, laughing. “Cause I really, really wanna, Jensen. With you. Many, many times in a row.” He tried to sound casual, but down inside he was anxiety-ridden and scared of what Jensen might say, scared at the possibility of rejection.

But to his infinite relief, Jensen said, “I want that, too, baby,” in a soft voice and then laughed quietly. “Let's come back to that tomorrow though; I'm really spent and bone-tired.”

Jared smiled and after they had said their goodbyes, Jared clicked his phone shut. He didn't want to worry, so instead of thinking he rolled on his stomach, nuzzling his face into the pillow.

He just had have phone sex. With his roommate. With _Jensen_.

And if that wasn't the best Christmas present in the entire fucking universe, he didn’t know what was.

 ♦ 

The next morning brought more snow, more noisy relatives, and Jared not being able to sleep in due to both. After breakfast he was talked into freeing their driveway from ice and snow, and when he was finally done around noon, his family was ready to depart. Under waving and hollering they piled into their respective cars and drove off, leaving a teeth-clattering Jared and a house full of cats and empty cardboard boxes behind.

Jared took a shower—more to get rid of his frozen toes than anything else—and took out the trash, fed the cats, and was about to settle down in front of the TV when his phone chimed.

“What now?” Jared groaned and put his plate stuffed with leftover pasta on the coffee table before flopping down on the sofa. He expected to read his mother's name flashing on his phone's display and was almost startled to find Jensen's icon instead.

Smiling—and with the familiar pinch of longing—Jared answered the call. “Heya cowboy, thirsty for another round already?”

He heard snow crunching under heavy footfalls and then Jensen's voice huffing into the speaker. “We gotta work on those nicknames,” he commented and his statement was followed by a familiar laugh.

“Well, I’m sure we can work something out, Texas-boy.”

Jensen only grunted disapprovingly, then cleared his throat. “Hey, so, I was wondering what you're going to be up to today?”

“Not much,” Jared replied truthfully. “My family just left and I'm not planning on hauling my sweet ass off the sofa until New Year's.”

“Shame,” Jensen commented cryptically. His breath was coming in ragged huffs and after another while the snow-crunching stopped. “So you're not planning on going outside anytime soon, then?”

“Nah,” Jared muttered as he felt his brows knit together in confusion. “Why do you ask, Jen? And why are you being so secretive?”

“I dunno, Jared. I was just thinking what a blatant shame it is that I have to enjoy the beautiful snow outside your house all by myself while you're being miserable on the sofa.”

Jared froze.

What the fuck was Jensen talking about?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jared breathed and was on his feet in no time, knees feeling wobbly enough to make him question their capability to carry him to the kitchen window.

Jensen laughed quietly on the other end of the line and Jared was about to yell at him for being a smug bastard and a wanker when his gaze caught on a tall figure in the snow, broad and sturdy and with a dark coat clashing with the flashy orange beanie.

Jared stopped dead in his tracks and for the duration of a single heartbeat he felt like he might faint. His brain got stuck on the revelation that this was really happening and his breath lodged somewhere behind his lungs, making it impossible to inhale.

“So what do you say, Jay?” Jensen voice ebbed out of speaker like a wave crashing against Jared's momentarily numbed mind. “You gonna let me in or do I have to make you come outside?”

And finally Jared snapped out of it and was at the front door in a flash. With shaking hands he fumbled the door knob open, wheezing “Jensen,” like it was the only name he ever knew.

Blinding sunlight filtered into the hallway when the door flung open and there he was: _Jensen_ , snowflakes in his disheveled hair, freckles on his rosy cheeks and eyes bright from the cold.

“What are you doing here?” Jared heard himself sob and the next thing he knew, he was flying into Jensen's arms, almost knocking them both over in his enthusiasm. Jensen smelled like frost and cheap airport soap and Jared didn't know what to do with himself other than bury his face into Jensen's neck and whisper his name over and over again.

“Heya Jay,” Jensen murmured into his friend's hair as he tightened both arms around Jared's slim waist, pulling him flush against his front. “Surprise.”

“You came,” Jared whispered and combed his fingers through the soft, short hair at the nape of Jensen's neck. “You fucking _came_ , you giant sap.”

Jensen nodded and laughed quietly and held on tight until Jared had his fill and wiggled out of his friend's grip. “You took a plane?”

“Yeah, booked it last night after we hung up. Figured it would be nice to have some time outside of the dorm, with New Year's round the corner and all.”

Jared sighed sweetly, and despite the snow soaking through his socks and the frost nipping at his nose, he felt in no hurry to return to the house. Snowflakes were floating down from the cotton-white sky and Jensen was right there, right in front of him, with his lips coral-red from the cold and his hands around Jared's waist.

“Can I kiss you?” Jared heard himself whisper very shyly, very quietly and Jensen cracked a smile.

“Thought you'd never ask,” he replied and carefully leaned in to nudge their noses together.

It was a devastating first kiss that rattled Jared to his very core. It was slow and unhurried and instantly became Jared's new favorite thing: the kind of kiss that made your toes curl and your breath stop. Jensen was sweet and gentle, his mouth soft enough to make Jared moan quietly when they pulled apart again.

“I'm afraid I'm gonna have to do that again very soon,” Jensen said and brushed a thumb against Jared's bottom lip.

Jared sighed quietly in response, then blinked his eyes open. “Let's go inside first, yeah?”

Together they picked up Jensen's duffel bag and shuffled into the house, leaving a trail of footsteps in the snow. Once inside, Jared changed into dry socks and Jensen stripped down to his boxers and shirt before they slipped under a blanket on the sofa. It was safe to say that their mouths didn't leave each other for a long, long while and when they did pull apart again it was only to unfasten their clothes and shimmy out of their pants.

They made out on the sofa until their stomachs growled loud enough to startle the cats and their lips tingled from the kisses they'd tucked into each other's bodies. Jared got up to reheat the pasta, and after Jensen had struggled into his clothes they ate leftovers and ice cream in front of the TV. They made a mess when they tried to share sticky kisses and in the end they decided to take a shower together.

“You know, it was really brave of you to come all the way up here from Texas,” Jared remarked as he let Jensen strip the shirt from him.

“That so?”

“Yeah, ‘cause you know now that you're here, we gotta do all the filthy things we talked about last night,” Jared mumbled and watched Jensen's cock twitch in interest. He was buck-naked and Jared stared shamelessly, memorizing every inch of Jensen's strong, tall body.

“I guess it would be a terrible waste if we didn't at least try, huh?” Jensen replied and after getting rid of his socks, he pulled Jared closer by the waist, kissing him soundly.

Jared nodded. “If you want to, I mean,” he added and let himself be dragged along into the shower where Jensen showed him exactly how much he really wanted to.

That night, Jensen fingered Jared into a mind-bending orgasm and Jared reciprocated by sucking Jensen off until he arched off the bed with a shout. They only stopped kissing when they laughed about a silly joke one or the other made. Their bodies vibrated with the continuous touching, their mouths feeling fuzzy and cottony when the sun came up after a long night of talking and making out. Jared let Jensen fuck his throat in the light of the first sun, having been eaten out for half an hour beforehand and coming untouched on Jensen's tongue—just like he’d promised.

“Merry fucking Christmas,” Jared breathed after he'd wiped the tear streaks from his eyes, crawling up to lie next to Jensen again.

“Yeah,” Jensen breathed and laced their fingers together. “Now let's get some sleep before we neglect the Christmas and do more of the fucking.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [SPN_J2_Christmas_Exchange 2015](http://spn-j2-xmas.livejournal.com/) for  
> [riyku](http://riyku.livejournal.com/) who asked for a college AU and friends-to-lovers. :) 
> 
> I hope you had a good time reading what I threw together, it was a pleasure writing for you. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. *-*
> 
> As always, the greatest thanks to my beta Jess, who's always and forever the best beta I could ask for and who managed to put up with my silly writing despite being the busiest person on the planet. I love you fiercely! 
> 
> Thanks to my muses on twitter and the constant support you guys are showing me, you're literally what keeps me going. You know who you are; i love you very much. <3
> 
> I had fun writing this, even though I again struggled with dialogue and the entire story turned out a lot more descriptive then I would usually approve of. If you've made it to here then thank you for reading, your interest is much appreciated.
> 
> Title because I've got that song stuck in my head... 
> 
> Merry Christmas ya fihlty animals,  
> E xx


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